I had a plan for my blog today, it was going to be a good one, but I feel like I need to blog about how I’m feeling right now, so I will talk about that another time.
April is almost over, and that is terrifying.
I’ve been trying my absolute best to convince myself that The Future is not happening, that I can just stay in this happy place that I’m in and that nothing will change. But I can’t ignore the world forever. Life is catching up with me, and I have to figure out a way to deal with it.
The concept of not being a student anymore is a lot scarier than I thought it would be. I’ve done the non-student thing before, after all. But this time around it seems a lot more permanent. Last time I was young, working a job I liked but knew I didn’t want to do forever, and mostly just killing time. I don’t regret it, not for a minute, those years of not being in school taught me so much. I grew and learned, and travelled, and it was brilliant. But this time I have to Grow Up. I’ve chosen the path that I want to follow, and now I just have to figure out where it leads.
The thought of ending my internship at Flight Centre terrifies me. I love it there so much, and I feel like I really fit in there. I love what I’m doing, and I don’t want it to end. But more than that, what scares me is the thought that once I’m done there, I’m on my own. I have to find a Real Job doing God knows what. I would love to continue doing social media somewhere, but I have no idea how to go about getting a job in that field. I’ve been so lucky in my life in that most of my opportunities seem to have just fallen into my lap. And now my future is my decision and that is the most terrifying thing I can think of.
I was talking with a friend the other day about this issue, and I told him I was terrified of the uncertainty that comes next. That’s really the catch 22 here. If I knew that I was heading into a job, or even if I had any idea of how I would go about finding that Dream Job, I might be a lot more confident in my plans for what’s ahead.
The Not Knowing is the scariest thing about it.